Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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