so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
