hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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