why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
