We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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