what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there was a trapeze. enough said
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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