Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
