he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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