well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Less talking, more tequila
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize