Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Randomize
