And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
