This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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