the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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