Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
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