Christians are straight up FREAKS
"it" just moved
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
