I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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