So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just pee around me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
