You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
