Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
