You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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