my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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