question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
