hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
