Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
