he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
