Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
