You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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