It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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