Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
