That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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