he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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