if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
