Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
don't judge my taste in strippers
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
