yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
