New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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