I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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