So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
