where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my liver is dry heaving
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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