found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
