Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
