I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
