I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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