I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
