i think my mom watched the whole time
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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