Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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