I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
