can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
