peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
A+ Viking dick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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