I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
