yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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