It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
