i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
