And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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