Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
