I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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