I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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