Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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