i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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