Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
