i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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