Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
