oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
