Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
