I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
