Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
