My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
