dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
