kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
